Paralyzed
by pokemon fan 98
Summary: Slight spoilers for 6x07. Introspective tag for Frost when she didn't know how to help Barry, and froze. Her conversation with Caitlin.


_Frost? Frost, are you okay?_

Frost stared at Barry as he lay on the medical bed, his vitals going crazy. She couldn't seem to move. Her throat was closing up, her eyes widening in horror as she could do nothing but watch one of her best friends thrash on the bed. Just like Ralph had.

_Frost, what's wrong? You need to move!_

Caitlin's rising voice urged Frost into motion, but not the motion Caity wanted. Not motion Frost wanted, or even could control. She didn't have control. Everything was too much – she needed it to stop. Her feet moved backwards, her torso bending forward as her arm wrapped around her middle, trying to hold herself together. She gripped the bedframe to keep from falling. She felt Cisco's arms steadying her as she went down to the floor, and then she was bracing herself, the terrible sight of Barry struggling gone from her view. She tightened her hands into fists, staring hard at the floor.

_Frost, we don't have time for this right now! Barry needs our help!_

_I know!_ Frost yelled back. Except she didn't sound angry. Her voice was up way higher than it normally was, and she realized it was clear how terrified she felt. She couldn't try to hide anything she was feeling from Caitlin, in this moment. _I don't know how to help him, Caity! I didn't know how to help Ralph, and I don't know how to help Barry. I don't know what to do!_

_Okay, hey, just breathe, _Caitlin coached in her soft, doctor tone_. You're having a panic attack._

_Why shouldn't I? _Frost asked through an almost sob. She'd been scared before, but she'd never felt so inadequate. So desperate to help, but so horribly unable to. Fighting she could handle. Being a doctor…_ I can't save him. I can't save any of them._

_Don't worry about anything right now except breathing._

Caity's voice broke through the frenzy that was Frost's thoughts, giving her something to hold onto. She would feel better if she listened to Caity.

Frost could feel her breath coming in what equated to gasps, but even with the huge breaths, it didn't feel like she was getting any air. She made an effort to slow her breathing, to actually hold the oxygen inside her.

_That's good, Frost. Just keep focusing on breathing._

Frost did as Caity instructed and managed to normalize her breathing. At least enough to stop gasping, but it was something. It helped. Her heart was still pounding hard enough for her to hear it, her body shaking, but the blind panic she'd felt was abating.

_I'm sorry,_ Frost said. _I'm so sorry, Caity._

_It's okay. Everyone freezes sometimes,_ Caitlin told her. _We're under so much pressure right now, with Crisis coming up, it's understandable._

Frost sensed a but. She thought she knew what it would be. _Say it,_ she told Caitlin, preparing herself.

Caitlin's tone became careful. _Maybe I should take the wheel for a little while._

Frost continued to stare at the floor, still in her panic attack landing position. She felt no urge to move yet. She'd feared Caitlin would say this. Even suspecting it was coming, Frost couldn't disguise the flash of pain those words caused her. Caitlin had just confirmed what she'd been thinking in the back of her mind this whole time: she wasn't capable of keeping her friends safe.

_I only want to take control for Crisis,_ Caitlin added quickly. _I don't mind being in the back seat, but if Crisis is going to be as big as Barry says, they'll probably need a doctor standing by. And if you panic or don't know what to do…_

_It's the logical choice,_ Frost said. Her voice sounded numb to her own ears.

She straightened, unclenching her fists and rising to her feet. Barry was unmoving on the bed, seemingly asleep. Cisco was holding Barry's hand, bent over next to him. Frost walked to the nearby chair and sat down, her eyes on Barry and Cisco. She wasn't really seeing them, though.

_Frost,_ Caity started.

_I'm fine,_ Frost interrupted. _But would you mind if I kept control, just until tomorrow?_

Her voice was weaker than she would have liked. She still couldn't disguise her emotions very well. That ability would return in a bit, when she'd fully recovered from the panic attack. When she didn't feel so hollow. Caity had the good grace to not comment on Frost's trembling voice.

Caitlin was quiet for a second. When she spoke, Frost could tell she wanted to explain herself more, maybe to reassure Frost that it wasn't going to be permanent, but Caitlin didn't say that. She probably knew Frost didn't want to hear it, at the moment. She kept her response brief. _Of course I don't mind._

Frost tried to focus on the present, on Barry and Cisco. Barry seemed to be waking up.

_You did well, Frost,_ Caitlin said gently.

It was a lie, but a small part of Frost was grateful for the lie. It was clear Caity meant it in the best way, because she cared; it was a kind, warm gesture. Frost needed any bit of warmth she could get right now.

Her attention was demanded as Cisco moved, and Frost successfully focused her energy on the medical bed. Barry was awake.


End file.
